I miss you everyday, I say good morning to your photo in the kitchen and tell you my fears, dreams and joys every night before I sleep. We sing along to songs you loved in the car and laugh at the funny things you did with us.
You may not be here in body but in our hearts and minds you will never be forgotten. A huge part of our lives and always will be, Phil,my best friend.
You were as stubborn and as opinionated as me and from time to time we disagreed in a BIG way, but you always valued my views and although didn’t agree could let it pass between us. I know you loved listening to the drama/disaster/chaos going on in my life and workplace because it took your mind away from your pains and problems. One of the things I miss most is waking up to a text message telling me what offer you found at Tesco at 3am because you couldn’t sleep.
I know wherever you are everyone around you will be well fed with a smile on their faces.
I’ve had a lot of time over the last few months and have watched a fair number of films, some have been fantastic but not made the top 250 list and others (on The list) have been awful, tedious and boring.
I finally got organised and put the film list onto an Excel document, marked and highlighted the watched ones, so now I know I have seen 156 out of 250, not a bad figure.
One film I have watched recently (not on the list) was Dreams of a life, a documentary type film. A true story about a woman, Joyce Vincent, who was found dead in her London flat. She had been dead for three years, she had friends, family and work colleagues. So how could it happen ? How can someone just disappear and it not be noticed ? Since finishing work I can understand a little how this could be, I have hardly seen anyone. If it wasn’t for the school run and my immediate family I could have dropped off the earth and not been noticed. Everyone relies on the very ‘unsocial’ social media to keep in contact but I find that I’m using it less now, possible because it feels like my life has nothing going on and very little worth telling anyone about.
Any way enough wallowing, I’ve still got films to watch ……
Sorry but sometimes you just have to brag. My beautiful boy has a love of reading and writing, even with dyslexia and concentration issues, he ploughs on through.
Earlier this year he heard about a creative writing group and wanted to join. So off we went and it was fantastic. They talked, played games, made notes, wrote poems and stories but most of all he made friends and built his confidence in his ability.
His story was published in a book, which we gave to relatives as a present.
Don’t let anything hold you back. If you enjoy it, then do it (as long as it’s legal)
One thing being a parent has taught me is that children just do. It’s only as we get older that we let fear hold us back, but fear of what ? Usually failure or looking stupid, well don’t worry about it because whilst you think you look stupid, other are watching thinking how brave, I wish I could do that.
Make 2017 the year you have a go..
Sorry for the silence but my days and weeks have consisted of the same old boring nothingness. They essentially went like this…
Alarm goes off at 6.50am, get up, wake and feed child, take him to school, sit at computer applying for jobs, return to school to collect child, homework, food, bathe, bed. Rinse and repeat. Dull, dreary and mind numbing.
Well it was until last week, finally a change from the normal routine and very much needed boost. And what was this change, my brothers wedding.
A wonderful, fabulously clear, bright day with a stunning bride and a very handsome bridegroom. Surrounded by family from Yorkshire, Lancashire, Liverpool, Wirral and beyond, they made their vows and we partied hard. It was a much needed jolt from the day to day routine and a catch up with family, old and new. An amazing day with lovely people and I can now officially call her my sister-in-law (even though I have for a long time already), the only sadness was my missing plus one, but wherever Phil may be I know he would be very happy for the happy couple.
Anyway, this week saw even more changes and bright horizons, I finally have a job !! Woo hoo, I went for an interview on Monday and got a phone call an hour or so later to offer me the position and start next week. It’s a part-time position so it will still allow me time with Oscar and some of the school drop-offs/collections, it has meant a re-jig of some after school activities but nothing that can’t be altered and a happier, less stressed out mum for Oscar.
The last 10 days has been a big shake-up and change that I needed.
Onward and upwards.
Only 1 week left in work and it’s a strange feeling. I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the last few days. When the redundancy was first offered it was all about the decision and deadline, once that was over it was the wait to be confirmed then the three month notice began.
It feels like years ago not five months, but finally it’s here, the end. But it’s not.
Thinking about it over the weekend, I’m not as sad about leaving as I expected to be. I won’t miss the work, it has changed over the last couple of years and has become tedious and repetitive and where once I felt pride and satisfaction in my work now I feel numb to it. I do it, I do it well but I’ll do the same again tomorrow, there’s no satisfaction there anymore. It’s only the people that stops the tedium, most of them I will miss but with all the social media I’ll interact with them on a daily basis still, just in a different way.
When I left my last job, nearly 15 years ago, social media wasn’t the ‘thing’. it was all exchanging phone numbers and addresses, then arranging to meet up but quickly it died away with people’s job and lives getting in the way. Now though feels very different because I will still see these people everyday, maybe not in person but via social media and I can be in contact with anyone or everyone at any time.
This weekend proved a point as my phone has pinged with texts, whatsapp and facebook messages from the people ‘I’m leaving’ next week, I think this proves I’m not leaving just moving location. I’ll still be part of peoples lives and they mine, well until they hit the delete button on 1st June.
So I don’t feel as sad about going, I feel scared about what’s ahead but I know I’ve got a ton of people supporting me, both at home and online so it will be fine. My life will continue and you’ll all be along for the journey, as they say on x-factor.